Melodrama Bites
by fritzer
Summary: [oneshot]Roxas has been dumped by the love of his life. Why oh why must fate be so cruel to our poor porcupineheaded hero? Raxas? Namine? SoraRiku Lulu?


Melodrama Bites

Oneshot

A/N: Yuffie and the Homeroom Quest of Gayness will be updated…soon. I hope. I'm still trying to think of something for the next chapter sooooo….Any who, this idea just popped into my head as I was checking my email.

* * *

"_I'm sorry, but I don't really like you like…that."_

He couldn't get those destructive, mind-shattering words out of his head.

"_But…why not? What's wrong with me?"_

"_It's not you…um…It's me!"_

"…_It's you?"_

"_Yes! I am COMPLETELY the one at fault here! There's absolutely nothing wrong with you! Ha ha."_

"_Then why won't you go out with me!"_

"_Well…the thing is…I…"_

"_You?"_

"_I-"_

"_You WHAT?"_

"_I'm madly in love with Sora!"_

"…_Sora?"_

"_Yeah, well-"_

"_SORA!"_

Sora!

He couldn't get it through his head how Namine liked SORA more then him. They had practically the same face!

The only difference was that Roxas was smarter, better looking, more athletic, and all around better at every single aspect of LIFE as we know it then Sora was (someone's a bit egotistical)! All Sora did was run around showing off his latest F to everyone, grinning like he was on crack, and laughing that obnoxious ear-splitting LAUGH that made Roxas feel downright homicidal!

But, Roxas wasn't bitter.

Nope.

Not bitter at all.

Especially after that _oh so motivational_ pep talk his best friend Axel had given him earlier.

"Man, Namine was an idiot anyway. In class yesterday she asked me how to spell ORANGE!"

"_Axel…"_

"_ORANGE! Got it memorized?"_

"_Yes, Axel. I've got it memorized."_

"_Good. And, another thing-have you SEEN her drawings? She has the talent of an artistic five-year-old. But, everyone's all OH MY GOD you can like totally draw? What's up with THAT anyway?"_

"_I dunno."_

"_C'mon, Roxas just get over it."_

"_But, Axel I really really li-"_

**Bop bop bop! Bop to the top! Slip and sli-**

_"Hello? Oh hey Riku! What was that? No, I'm not doing anything.Ah, STILL got that nasty amnesia?"_

And that ended THAT conversation.

Roxas sighed and stared out into that deep endless ocean ahead of him. It was so wide and blue he could just get lost in its endless…ness.

It sort of reminded him of Namine's eyes….

Ah! He was thinking about it again.

He groaned aloud grabbing his head and leaning forward and…

Promptly losing his balance and falling off the dock.

"AHHHHHHH!"

Was this how it was going to end? Falling off a dock and DROWNING?

That had to be the most pathetic death ever. He lived on an ISLAND for goodness sake!

He could hear Axel now:

_"Hahaha! He probably killed himself because of that blonde girl. What was her name? Nama? Namani? Whatever, it's not important. I always knew Roxas would commit suicide! Hahahahaha!"_

Grrrrr….

He could hear the pyro LAUGHING in his head!

"AUGH!"

And then he was choking, collar caught on some chipped part of the beam.

There he sat for how long, nobody really knew, gagging on his own spit and just hanging there waiting for someone to find him.

Wait! Were those footsteps?

"Hey, mommy! It's a porcupine boy hanging from the dock!" a little boy exclaimed. "Can I throw sticks and stones at it and see if they REALLY break your bones?"

He was going to KILL that brat!

"No Madison dear! Don't poke dead things!" the boy's mother replied and the two walked away.

"But, mommy-"

WHACK!

"AH! Daddy, mommy hit me with a cleaver again!"

"Don't back sass ME mister!"

"But,daddy-WAH! Not the stiletto knife! Anything but the stiletto knife!"

His screams of pain faded into the air like the forgotten moans of the DEAD MOURNING SPIRITS!

Roxas blinked, completely silent.

THAT was really weird.

But, as it turned out, the people of Destiny Islands ALL seemed to do really weird things when they thought no one was there to hear them. These things that Roxas eavesdropped on would scar him for life!

Let's take a look, shall we?

* * *

"Lulu, I've always to tell you that…I LOVE YOU!"

"I'm sorry, Wakka, but-wait no I'm not sorry, But I'm really in love with…MY MOOGLE!"

"You're WHAT?"

Extremely disturbing noises ensued.

"Eugh! Oh, my god, Lulu, that's totally gross!"

"No it's not! IT'S TRUE LOVE DANGIT!"

* * *

"Selphie, are you sure this'll work?"

"Of course, Kairi. All we have to do is throw this message out to sea and soon-soon, King Mickey will answer our pleas and come to save us all!"

"Sooooo, we're sending this bottle out to sea so that a talking mouse will get it and come from his Disney castle to save us from a bunch of people without hearts that are attempting to destroy the planet?"

"Yup!"

"Ooookay…..Men in White Coats get her!"

"Ready men! Take her dooooown!"

"Nooooooo! You'll never take me alive coppers!"

"Men! Ready the beaver tranquilizers!"

* * *

But, by far the most disturbing, the most peculiar thing Roxas heard had to be what he heard last.

The sun was setting and Roxas was beginning to think that he would have to spend the night hanging from a pole and nearly choking when he heard something. Something very very strange.

"Sora, I've been wanting to tell you this for a really long time…I like you!"

"Really? Uh…I like you too, Namine."

"No. I mean I LIKE YOU like you."

"…Ohhhh…"

Oh no, now he was going to have to listen to them make out and…other stuff and be helpless to do anything but WATCH! Roxas resisted the urge to cry.

"Um…I don't know how to say this Namine, but…"

"But what?"

"Well, I'm sort of gay."

"…YOU'RE WHAT?"

"Yup. I'm going out with RIKU!"

"You mean the guy with amnesia?"

"Yup."

"Oh…."

Silence.

"Well…that's cool."

"Cool."

"Yup."

More silence. Roxas was about to scream.

"So…uh…you wanna go shopping tomorrow?"

She was over it? JUST LIKE THAT?

"Sure!"

"Okay! I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yup!"

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

And then they both left.

And Roxas was all alone again. He felt a part of him die inside after that little scenario.

Instead he just cried until passed out of dehydration and lack of air to the brain (a few brain cells were murdered there).

* * *

"Hey Roxas! Have ya' killed yourself yet?"

"Nnngh…what?"

"Oh, there you are! Why're you hanging from the dock?"

"Please, don't ask."

"Okay, well I've got something to cheer you up!"

"What?"

"TA DA! I got you a date!" Insert random Axel jazz hands of doom (or RAJHOD).

"With who?"

"Oh, just this totally cool girl who thinks she's a ninja!"

A ninja girl?

That, my friends, is another story.

END

* * *

A/N: How was that? Not sure if it was really that funny, but oh well. Does anyone want to see Roxas' date with Ninja Girl AKA Yuffie? If anybody wants me to, I will.

Reviews make my day. I need the criticism.


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